This is the dullest sharpening gig ever.

I got in trouble again, this time because the percentage of my net sales from replacement/service guarantees wasn't above 4%. That means that, while I was selling enough, we weren't making enough profit (a.k.a. free money) from the guarantees. The only punishment was to make me watch the RSG DVD again. Apparently I just didn't understand the concept. All you have to do is sell the product by overstating its virtues, and then sell the replacement guarantee by underestimating its quality. It's sleazy, is what it is.

I put my foot in my mouth pretty good. I asked a customer (who was about my age) if she had anything picked out for father's day, and it turns out her dad had died in the last two weeks. That's really sad.

Other than that, work was all right, as my manager wasn't there, but I'm going back in at 9 in the morning. Somehow I'm working full time hours for part time wages and non-benefits.

I'm pretty much officially approaching broke now. I lost money taking this job, because now I'm ineligible for unemployment (of course, i'd be ineligible if I'd turned it down too...). I guess it'll all work out in the end, as the dollar isn't going to be worth a yen in ten years anyway.

I should really look into increasing my dosage. Life still won't be enjoyable per se, but I won't notice.

I did get called by another headhunter today. So now I'm working with like 4 different agencies, not including places I'm directly applying to. I should really pull an all nighter and apply to another fifty or so places, as I might just be getting the knack for it.

I think I'll give my two week notice tomorrow. Depending on how my boss's day off went today, I may not have to. The team is back up to a full roster now, so my absence won't be unbearable as soon as the newest three associates complete their training.

Nobody comments on any of these posts anymore. I might have to stage a one-man writer's strike. You wouldn't want that. Just throw me an emoticon or something; I'm dying here.

It's RIP to Earnest T.

Some sad news today. Two accomplished actors, who stood for everything that was right in entertainment and advertising, have passed away. The first was Thurl Ravenscroft, better known as Tony the Tiger. Instead of burying him, they're gonna have him sliced into little flakes and frosted, a process which will of course preserve his remains indefinitely.





Also, I just read an obituary tied to a brick that came crashing through my window that Howard Morris died on May 21. If you've never heard of Earnest T. Bass, then you're missing out on some of the true gems of western culture. Some sound files are located here. I'd say something funny, but there's nothing I can do to compare with his comedic genius.

Why I Didn't Get Into Grad School: Exhibit A

My Personal Statement

It may seem familiar, but all similarities between my essay and any other work is purely coincidental and untentional. Written January 15, 2003 (started hours ahead of and finished minutes before the application deadline, of course).

As I pondered, contemplating a better vehicle for stating
My interests, objectives, and what purpose I believe I’m destined for,
Eventually I got to thinking I could keep my attention span from shrinking
If in lieu of prose I did my inking in a form less prone to bore.
“Well at least,” I mused, half joking, “it hasn’t been done before…”
Just a page and nothing more.

Mechanical engineering, the direction I’ve been steering,
Is a quest I love so dearly that at times all else seems but a snore.
Then again, please don’t be fearing that I’m at all afraid of veering
Into disciplines that may be nearing mine; for I’m eager to explore.
As a researcher I’m as giddy as a kid in a candy store
Stocked from ceiling down to floor.

I’m a four-year member of SWE (better ratio than IEEE),
And also joined SHPE and the Mars Society, if you’re keeping score.
Something of an interloper, curious ponderer and high hoper,
A former EPR spectroscoper—I could’ve majored in the core.
Now I seek to make my mark in the annals of post-Newtonian lore
As a scientist and engineer, and maybe something more.

In research that’s still ongoing, I help keep the data flowing
From the modeler to the mesher to the finite element cruncher core.
Fortunately my skill set as a coder exceeds my talents as an oder,
And I’m handy with a motor (something ME72’s good for).
I can plug, chug, and debug and perform other needed chores.
An engineer indeed I know I am—I think—therefore.

My purpose is to reach enlightenment, or if I don’t, to thrive in spite of it
And contribute to the scholarly environment I so ardently adore.
I’ve spent four tough years already drinking from a fire hose a steady
Torrent of aqueous knowledge till my head be thoroughly waterlogged and sore.
A productive academic career thus far, despite a GPA of 2.4.
Consider me anyway please, I implore.

Because I swapped Poe’s dark symbolism for facetious philologism,
An unkindness of wrathful Ravens tried to tap through my chamber door.
Yet I’d an ace up my proverbial sleeve here as my sympathetic sister Beaver,
Having heard a thousand nevermore’s, scrambled over to see if her
Brother’d been devoured by the ungainly fowls and lay writhing on the floor.
She was relieved to find the raving avians had yet to breech my chamber door.

An unparalleled quick thinker, the she-beaver began to tinker,
And ‘fore the prophet-bird-devils knew what had hit ’em had reinforced my chamber door.
She rescued me from this jam by constructing us a dam,
And the Ravens, lacking arms, had neglected to bring a battering ram.
Tho’ my window was wide ajar the birds kept wrapping, tapping, while I them ignored.
Until they starved, and then nevermore.