I Left My Skin in Sandestin.

While there are innumerable stories I could post about the members of my traveling party over the last week, I've about decided that this is not the place for it. On the one hand, it's too easy to poke fun at one's own family, and on the other, it's too easy for them to read what I write. I'll let things cool off for a spell and then go about my venting in less obvious ways when I've recovered from my R&R.

Among the throngs of people vying for the coveted position of first against the wall when the revolution comes we now have the Coppertone R&D department. It seems somebody thought it would be a good idea to make sunblock that goes on like spray-on deodorant. They did, and it wasn't. You end up with a cloud of sticky, useless stuff that seems to call out to the UV gods, "Hey, look, I'm over here!" Anyway, when I get around to posting pictures you'll be able to see how unfairly the tanning genes were distributed in my clan.

Creditors don't seem to understand the concept of vacation. They just went ahead and sent bills last week anyway, when I was quite clearly not at home to pay them. I figure those shouldn't count, since they weren't considerate enough to bill me at my own convenience. I'm gonna be lucky if I can avoid an overdraft fee; it gets confusing when we switch months like that. I hate how they divide the calendar into such unmanageable chunks. What we need is an 8-day week, where you work two days on and two days off on average, and half the population alternates with the other half. Then put 32 days in the month, with 256 to the year; much better all around. The astronomers can sort out how it affects the rest of the cosmos. Maybe I'm just saying this because the sun and I aren't on particularly good terms right now, but whatever.

What I don't get is why monkeys never get sunburned, and who decided it was a good idea to develop fair skin in the first place. In the future you'll just take a pill at breakfast to determine what color your skin is for the day, unless you opt for the modular body package, where you mix & match limbs and features much like Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head. It's not just a game anymore; our grandchildren will be crawling on the floor trying to find their noses half the time, while generation Y is still fiddling with contact lenses.

The next big thing after that will be artificial beaches. I foresee Japan mastering the concept first, creating a comb-like island where 98% of the surface area is within 200 meters of the shoreline, and all the properties are perforce beachfront. The more dangerous the weather, it seems, the more valuable the property is these days, so the whole Ring of Fire could be a major attraction.

It'd be cool if supermodels could shed their skin all at once like snakes. There might be a market for a Heidi Klum shell somewhere. If nothing else, I'd buy a set of skin just to wear on the beach. Combine that with temporary freckles and you'd be set for life. Maybe the halfbakers should hear of these breakthroughs...

I'm actually working today, which means they didn't find a way to fire me while I was gone. I had hoped to hear an offer last Friday so I could've used last week as one of my 2 notice-weeks, but it looks like I'm stuck for a while. I didn't sell anything while I was out, but some people brought some things back, so it all evens out.