Last Post as an Ignoramus

This morning I'm supposed to get my Interim Secret Clearance, along with a detailed security briefing, mainly covering what I'm not allowed to see or speak of, which is apparently a good deal. Though no one has mentioned this forum yet, common sense will require an abundance of discretion on my part in commenting about work here. If anyone knows where I can get some of that (discretion; I have work for the moment), let me know.

Apparently the difference in the Interim Secret and Permanent Secret clearances are as follows:

Q: What is the difference between an interim and a full security clearance?

A: Interim clearances are granted in exceptional circumstances where official functions must be performed before completion of the investigative and adjudicative processes associated with the security clearance procedure. There is no difference between an interim and a full security clearance as it relates to access to classified information. However, when such access is granted, the background investigation must be expedited, and, if unfavorable information is developed at anytime, the interim securityclearance may be withdrawn.

That's according to the FBI. Now I'm not sure if it's them, or the OPM, or the DSS that's doing my investigation, but I know that I'm not in a DoE process at the moment.

So that's fun. I'm working now on not being frustrated by institutional red tape, and remembering that some of the people tasked with sticking me with it take their jobs seriously and don't appreciate the inefficiencies and loopholes in the processes pointed out to them, even when they act like they agree. Nothing new on that score, but I have to remember that the company is big enough that not everybody is an engineer.

One side project I want to get good at is recruiting fellow workers. HR has a bounty on exempt new hires that's nothing to sneeze at, although apparently you have to "know" the person you recommend and all that jazz. I'm not much of a judge of people, although I can typically sort out the competent ones.

I think I've found the kind of phone I'm gonna get, although I'm worried that connectivity to the comptuer will require additional investment, and might have to eBay my little bluetooth USB thingie that I used with my T610. As soon as I have a number for that, mark my words, I'm gonna update all the people whose addresses and contact info I have as to my new numbers and stuff. Then I can probably order business cards, although they'll be printed with invisible ink...

Political Dialogue

I'm sitting here, inexplicably, watching a debate between Hulk Hogan and Sean Michaels. I think I've been too hard on professional wrestling. It seems to get a bad rep among people who consider themselves literate, but I'm finding that I really admire it for what it is. I keep thinking back to last year, and wishing that what the debaters had to say was delivered with half as much gusto, or that they had anywhere near the commitment to enlightened discussion that these two gentlemen posess.

Granted, it's slightly surreal, and pretty bizzarre if you think of it as reality, but politics works pretty much the same way. At the end of a wrestling match, at least, there tends to be little debate as to who the winner is.

Hulk should be our ambassador to the UN. If nothing else, you know he'd be heard.

I've Still Got a Little Texan in Me

After trying way too hard to connect my stupid computer to the stupid internet through the stupid ethernet cable, it turns out I was the stupidest elemnet in the bunch. Fortunately, there was a trivial solution, so now I'm online and in my room. The solution to the clothing storage problem is slightly less trivial, but will become more so soon, or at least I hope so.

I won second prize today in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament at On the Rocks. I got $15 worth of free food and drinks, most of which I had spent in the course of the game. It turns out that patrons of that establishment are almost as bad at poker as they are a karaoke, to the point that a novice like your humble narrator can clean up. If it weren't for the altitude, or the fact that I'm such a nice guy, I probably would have won handily. The trouble is I wasn't used to playing with increasing blinds and increasing minimum bets, so I didn't understand the advantage in winning early.

There some really good hands, and some really sad ones, but for the most part lady luck and I got along all right. She and lady skill were pretty good to me today, but both of them are notorious for being fickle girlfriends, so I don't think I'll pursue a courtship with either one.

Anyway, I finally caved in and bought lotion for my dry hands. I was a little metrophobic of the idea, but I guess I never realized how dry my skin was until I tried it. I got the Target brand, which is probably just as good as whatever it's knocking off, and better for me if I ever get cornered by a real man demanding to know what brand of lotion I use. This way I can still act like I don't care. On a side note, Target's razor blades for the Sensor and Sensor Excell are of a higher quality than Gillette's, for half the price. Woohoo!

My only other accomplishment was to find a desk for my room for $14.99 at Goodwill. Usually I find their prices to be a little high compared to the quality of the merchandise, but then I remembered that I can claim this desk twice on my tax return: once for buying it, and again for donating it back to them when I find a better one. I'm pretty sure that's how it works...

Not much else to say now, and I don't feel like going to the car to get my camera for some new pictures, so here's an old one from the late Nalla, Fleming House Cat from 2002-03. She was a great little kitty, much loved by all.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

I'm writing this at a whopping 1600 x 1200 resolution on a 23" monitor that was sitting gathering dust in the room next door. Turns out it was for an Itanium workstation that has fallen into disuse, as Microsoft gave up developing a version of Windows for that architecture.

But all is not lost. Not only do I get a new toy for my temporary workstation (which is, coincidentally, the fastest computer I've ever had assigned to me alone), but I got to help my new boss put together a $5000 Pentium Extreme box. It should fly, although we're not sure how stable XP 64 is yet. Apparently getting a comparable system from Dell would set us back like 18 grand.


I'm going to a picnic tonight at the Flying W Ranch, which is apparently mandatory for tourists and strongly encouraged for employees. Should be some good food, although I'm still stuffed from the "lunch meeting" we had earlier. At the rate they're throwing hardware and food at me, it should be a pleasure to work unpaid overtime.

As an added bonus, I just scored a 30-foot ethernet cable, which means I can finally hook up my home computer in my room. Not sure yet how I'm gonna get the monitor above ground level; it might have to go on top of the TV to start with...

In other news, I had to send home my Dad's GPS unit so he can find his way up a river. Now I'll be lucky if I can manage to miss Nevada on my way home.

Given Me a Number and Taken 'Way My Name

Hi.

I'm...somewhere, doing...something, for an Uncle we'll just call...Sam...

D'oh!

This secrecy thing is new to me, so I'm gonna have to be careful. I guess I'm still free to make stuff up, and if it confuses the bad guys (although they won't tell me who those are), so much the better.

I found my place of business, on the right day no less, and got off to a great start Monday. Naturally every system connected in any way with processing me crashed at least once, from the key to my door, to the badge picture that wouldn't take, to the 401(k) that's actually a 403(b), to the new on-line security clearance request form that I won't write about for fear of offending the very people I submitted it to.

It turns out that you have to sign in in ALL CAPS on odd-numbered days and in all lowercase on even-numbered days. I think everything is right, although it wants to call me the 1Vth instead of IVth, but ya can't win 'em all.

So I got to look at the code base that I'll be working with. When he said it was sixty thousand lines, I had assumed it would be broken down into a nice hierarchy of modules spread across dozens of source files and grouped into sensible libraries, but of course it's all in one huge file.

The change history in the comments is dated in Roman numerals, I swear. All the documentation is in hieroglyphics, since the project started in MCMLXXI. I'm fighting the temptation to suggest rewriting it in a modern language, but as long as they keep throwing more hardware at the problem, maybe it will solve itself.

What else...my cell phone, which has a camera included, is banned from the facility, as it could be a leak. So I guess I can't show you all pictures of the inside of the place. To sum it up: these things are always more exciting in the movies.

I'll be sending out change-of-address letters to everybody I know as soon as I know what my new cell number will be.